the Philosophical Strangler's own

2011-10-26T11:48:00.000+02:00

I bought way too much cement to fix stuff up in my apartment, so now i need to figure out what to Do with all that cement XD
stay tuned for more stuff, ...

just sketching

2011-07-28T03:33:00.002+02:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

I love me! And so should you!

2011-07-26T13:20:00.001+02:00

One's only rival is one's own potentialities. One's only failure is failing to live up to one's own possibilities. In this sense, every man can be a king, and must therefore be treated like a king. , Abraham H. Maslow

Twippy sketches!

2011-07-26T04:38:00.001+02:00

See the full gallery on Posterous

so i asked tweeps about the #weirdestJob ever, funny dudes and Dudzettes helped out, and i sketched, think i'll do it again soon.
Thankx @reflectedremo @Abdullah_MK @Tamersahhar @emanHashim @ImKassem @RaneemIH @gr33ndata

If I can do this with a fucking phone,

2011-07-25T00:33:00.002+02:00

No PC no shit, and am pretty much in a real pickle, just imagine what I can do when I'm paid!

Oldschool designers rule the earth!

2011-07-25T00:31:00.002+02:00

Print materials, inks, and all that real shit ain't manipulated via mouse, ideas are many times free, the execution is what's worth money, so you'd better get it right the first time, go to a pro, come to me, its better than paying a fortune over stuff that won't print right!

Will design for the heck of it!

2011-07-25T00:20:00.003+02:00

So what? You think only business men need advertising or branding work? Think again, you're worth much more than you think you do, give Me a call to see what I can dream up for you!

Why all the tiny pics?

2011-07-24T19:49:00.002+02:00

In case you are wondering, I've overheated my PC's motherboard into a sizzling pixel ofsilicon, and am limited only to things I can produce using my phone, which isn't too high spec., ... getting by is much preferable to depression, and or waiting.

Of men.

2011-07-24T14:03:00.001+02:00

Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more , Nikola Tesla

beginings

2011-07-18T18:46:00.002+02:00

beg for more

2011-07-18T02:38:00.002+02:00

Out of legendary fantastical past tense,
things worshiped in violence,

amazing creatures that never made sense,

and outwardly sights that spanned the horizons,

we broke free,

we broke our idols,

and now we beg for more.

2011-07-05T01:07:00.002+02:00

2011-07-04T22:54:00.002+02:00

least i can do

2011-06-20T00:19:00.000+02:00

so harassment is an issue, might as well bring in some folklore to deal with it.

green!

2011-06-08T02:10:00.000+02:00

out of frame

2011-06-07T20:32:00.000+02:00

figuring it out

2011-06-07T18:29:00.000+02:00

walking too many street, knocking on too many doors, wandering higher and higher into the really abandoned lofts,
the lesser room there is,
the point of no return looms,
sometime you just do not want to cross line yet,
no reasons,
no questions are answerable,
spread them up and fly ...

Way too much ...

2011-06-02T22:08:00.000+02:00

i should write something, i though would, ...
thank God i can sketch instead...

hope you know how to build Igloos !

2011-05-04T17:49:00.003+02:00

Not much said, not much at all,
it't not much to say,
as simple as loosing your way,
and towards where the winds throw you,
fall...

sands

2011-05-02T23:52:00.003+02:00

sketched 4 days ago, shot & painted on the 2nd of May

Too much had passed, too much foretold,
of swords, of fallen ones, shields and banners,
Honor, trust, belief and faith,
too little to grasp, much less to hold,
sands, dust, and firestorms,
brazen, blazing horns,
this life holds a future untold.

of what to expect

2011-04-22T14:44:00.002+02:00

I have no hold on the future,
nor will I tell you my past,
I only live in the present,
this present of which you asked,

many faces, many places,
many questions and wonders I have had,
not much answers,
not many that would last,

I do not know what to do with my self,
I'm spell bound, attached,
I take if freely given,
and give back with chains in hand.

to be continued,
* can't remember exactly when i wrote this, but i think it's from early 2010

2011-04-20T23:14:00.002+02:00

19.4.2011

2011-04-20T23:13:00.000+02:00

of Robots, OS's and other Fucked up Things ...

2011-04-15T23:57:00.000+02:00

2011-04-14T20:55:00.001+02:00

Remember, "you are as insignificant as your greatest aspiration", ... small chance of comfort there.

and i'm back...

2011-04-10T00:31:00.000+02:00

Alexandria Cornish, 3:30 Am, same spot as the earlier shot.

same place, same shot, same feeling,
a different time, a different man, and a far different world,
5-6 years now?
I've really Missed Alexandria, she just keeps getting younger...
and so do i.
;)

cleaning up...

2011-04-09T13:44:00.000+02:00

Funny how sometimes you just leave shit piled up in your space for no good reason, other that your will to Not use force against an object that is nothing but a mere representation of something you hardly even remember,...
still it's a nice shoot, i enjoyed it.

on the 34thYear of our existence

2011-04-08T00:58:00.002+02:00

the truth about Egyptian Sectarianism

2011-03-15T01:13:00.001+02:00

if you actually thought you would see something different, you clearly don't know shit about Egypt.
peace.

baby steps

2011-03-14T21:11:00.002+02:00

More Info, directions, etc ...

after looking at #amndawla for more than 24hours, and talking to people in the streets.

2011-03-06T17:23:00.003+02:00

Description of Red Herring (amn Dawl Docs)

Also Known as: Smoke Screen, Wild Goose Chase.

A Red Herring is a fallacy in which an irrelevant topic is presented in order to divert attention from the original issue. The basic idea is to "win" an argument by leading attention away from the argument and to another topic. This sort of "reasoning" has the following form:

Topic A is under discussion (redistribution of power/ rebuilding the system) .

Topic B is introduced under the guise of being relevant to topic A (when topic B is actually not relevant to topic A).
(in this case, it's who did what with who when, when we already know that they all suck anyway)

Topic A is abandoned. (this is what they want)

This sort of "reasoning" is fallacious (not correct) because merely changing the topic of discussion hardly counts as an argument against a claim.just Google what a red herring Is, and realize that "red herrings" are standard intelligence procedures,

State Sec (amn Dawla) are not a mob, but a serious powerful organization, they cannot be brought down by simple cheering, and a coupe of break-ins, they are organized, and they are beyond malicious, and they have resources unknown to even parts of their own organization,

we cannot afford to be Naive when dealing with this,

the damage will take years to repair,

if we ever manage to get to the point of repairing the damage, it wont be while we are getting sidetracked,

a friend asked me earlier what do i hope to achieve with notes like this, other than raise doubt,
my answer is that i do not know what to do, and i leave it to everyone's conciseness,
i have no right to do otherwise, i can only warn when i think there's something worth it.

another point,

most of you reading this, will have reference point (family/friends/relatives/etc.)s regarding how power and authority works in this country, the man in the street wont, and will see nothing but the glaring difference between his life and what he "thinks" is your life,

and that can easily be misguided by anyone,

and i dare say that the would be a pretty good plan if i was an amnDawla Agent...

i'm done.

please read my previous post if you haven't,
and make up your own mind.

after looking at #amndawla for about 3 hours

2011-03-06T03:34:00.005+02:00

If i'm a criminal and have an entire populace running after my ass, I'll throw them a ton of crap, and let them find some solid info in it to give credibility to the rest of the crap that i threw,
make sure it's juicy/scandalous enough to stall them long enough for me to
relocate,
change my appearance,
then pretend i can help them with figuring the stuff out, ...
i can play this game for ages,
and I'll work on their vices, slowly separate them all over again, and one by one i will take them down, make them bite each other for me, till I'm in a better position to use half of them against the other half, ...

the above is just a simple thought, and I'm no mastermind of crime,

what do you think State Sec (Amn El Dawla) came up with ?

THINK!

for the love of God, Think!they are betting on your fears/horrors/vices and only if you let them, they will win,one simple question,what real profit will you gain by such information like all the crap that is being thrown in our faces, found in these papers found in StateSec?as in real use?don't tell me that now you know that some people are bastards, because we all already KNEW that they were, or at least suspected that there was something fishy about them,guys,

it's Bait,
ask any honest advertiser how he crafts a campaign to sell an idea,

if i manage to convince you,

spread this.

i know i should have wrote this in Arabic, i'm sorry, i'm not that good,
and i'm sorry for editing and reediting this too many times, i'm writing too fast...

note: the above pic is ONLY to illustrate, not to prove a point, nothing about this specific document ya3ni :/

need a place to post this

2011-02-03T12:45:00.001+02:00

ya Nas,

kullina simi3na kemeyit isha3at 3an kull 7aga,

we kemyit el kidb we el di7k 3alla el du2un 3alya giddan,

one example i saw my self :: youm 30 fe el ta7rir fe bint kanit mashya tihaddy el nas ba3d tanshana habla ma3a el geesh, we ba3d mathaddy tifakkar el nas innu kullina muttahameen be el 7'eyana el 3uzma!!! fa mayinfa3shy nirawa7!!! el simm fe el 3asal,

we el geesh hinnak kan gatlu i7'bareya innu el 3eyal mi3ahum sila7 we 7ayidrabu el geesh!!!! tab3an ay kallam bardu

we kull elly kan wa2if fe el shari3 belliel simi3 hags keteer giddan 3an meen ittdarrab, we kullina afashna baltageya aw mu7'bereen aw 2umana2 shurta bey7awlu yisra2u! 7atta law kanu beytsarrafu min nafsuhum, howa dah elly 7assal.

we el TV el masry 3ammal yi2ul ay kallam, we show us pictures taken at the wrong angles so they just dont show whats really there,

we el bitt el mu3tarifa 3al mi7war de musalya giddan, madam dameerha sa7y awy kidda, masalimitshy nafsaha le el geesh lieh?? al bibitkallim min el telephone al, ya7'y a7a, tab anna 3ameel min seralion we ba3atouny 3ashan 2a2min luhim ma7soul el battata!!!!

ya7'wanna el ayKallam 3aly giddan! we bey7'dim ahdaf nas keteera, in kan el nizam walla el mu3'redeen.

QR

2011-01-27T13:12:00.002+02:00

Egypt is changing,
Hint hint,...
all you need, is a simple bar code scanner installed on your phone,
there are tons of those, (just search the market) an A4 printer, and i dare say this might even work out in stencil graffiti,
should be simple enough to use...

illustrative figures

2011-01-02T17:09:00.001+02:00

not particularly clear

2011-01-02T15:11:00.002+02:00

i was going through a really ugly looking notebook I've been using for the last year or so, and i found some phrases i wrote to my self,

The Easy way out :
is to believe that you are fated to fail,
is to loose ground before you even start,
is to believe that no matter how thoughtless you become, things will still go your way,
if you don't leave this battlefield as in right now, you'll just start another war.

2011

2010-12-31T22:50:00.000+02:00

an observation

2010-12-31T15:43:00.002+02:00

After too many hours playing historical empire building games, and too many experiences in my life, i truly am beigning to believe that the larger an empire was the nastier the women were
in other words, on a mass scale men were more than willing to charge up naked to a loaded cannon than stay home and deal with their wives.
i find this view adds a f of light to the flight of the Mongols, the Turks, the Arabs, and the English ...
poor sods all of them.

now what?

2010-12-31T02:52:00.002+02:00

In the spirit of being at end points, new years, new worlds, and lots of endings...
i always did marvel on how easy it "seems" to close a door behind you.

Advice # 5

2010-11-02T01:04:00.000+02:00

Advice # 4

2010-11-01T00:52:00.001+02:00

Moving (bit by bit)

2010-10-26T22:37:00.003+02:00

I'm slowly moving my graphic posts to tubmlr.com

i'll probably keep using this blog for a while, at least for pure writing,
but my main posting site will be on tumblr

update your links please,

uplifting #1

2010-10-26T08:59:00.002+02:00

Advice #25/26

2010-10-26T08:26:00.001+02:00

misscomm reworked

2010-10-25T21:26:00.001+02:00

unfinished business

2010-10-25T21:15:00.002+02:00

Advice #2

2010-10-24T23:34:00.000+02:00

Advice #1

2010-10-21T00:00:00.003+02:00

a return to modernism #2

2010-10-19T18:03:00.001+02:00

a fast moving thing,...

2010-10-17T22:20:00.003+02:00

when i was fourteen, still exploring my new found world, still wondering about this new place i was in, i was once walking what looked to me like a desolate road, lots of sand on both sides, and lots of wreckage everywhere, not a soul to be seen, i can’t recall what i was thinking about, but i do remember what i felt, i was down, i was upset, i was looking at my feet as i walked, not really paying much attention to anything around me, and for an unknown reason, i kicked something i know i didn’t see, or even realize what i was kicking, it entered my vision as a fast moving ... thing, that just sped up ahead, the way it moved caught my eye, it was moving in a straight line, didn’t waver, didn’t bounce, and just cut through all the sand a debris without being stopped, stopping, i followed it with my eyes till it lost it’s momentum and fell to one side,

i moved towards it, i still couldn’t tell exactly what it was, it did seem like some kind of disk, or something,...

hastily i walked/ran to it, and i found it in the dust, a solid earth brown globe, it was solid stone, it’s surface was near perfect, almost flawless, it’s oddly symmetrical globular surface was poked, but not in a way that made it any less perfect, it was a perfect ellipsoid, with a perfect circular diameter, i marvelled at it for i time i cannot remember, i thought about how odd this stone was, as i have found it in a street, obviously not man made, i kept thinking about how many miles did that stone roll through to gain that shape, a shape that to my teen eyes looked very much like what the earth looked like, i was so mesmerized with it, and how it’s weight fit perfectly in my hand, i cleaned it up and put it my school bag, and headed home,...

when i was twenty three, i remember finding a sort of holder for it, it seemed to crown it, i had just applied to Architecture school, and was tasked with a what it seemed back then to us, a difficult project, i remember being up all night for more than 3 days thinking about that project, until one moment i noticed that i had placed that stone on an amber glass ashtray, and that the light was playing inside the amber glass in a way that made the stone catch my imagination again, to my eyes it seemed like an awesome dome with a huge party filled with lights underneath it, and Bam! i had an idea, and not only an idea for the project, but as i held that stone in my hand, i felt it’s familiar weight and symmetry whispering to me again, i felt like i had had one of the secrets of this world in my hand, and all i had to do was look for it, touch it, feel it, and let it out,...

in the following years, i recall thinking a lot about that stone, and how i never got to the point of designing that first building i saw in it, i came close at times, but never the original idea, always when i had in my hand, i would float off to another thought, it’s perfect weight and symmetry somehow stimulated me and calmed my usually contradictory thoughts, ...

it became my dream-stone,

every time i can remember my self finding a good solution to some problem, or a way to understand some bizarre thing i had to face, it was there, in my hand, or just in my eye sight,

it made for a great handy hammer as well, and a wonderful if a bit insane decoration to my room,

when i was thirty, i remember sharing it’s secrets with a friend, i remember him being startled as it worked it’s magic on him, and what was a discussion about his fucked up love life, transmuted into a discussion about how insanely amazing this stone was, and how it’s proportions and weight were so perfect it was almost unbelievable that it was not man made, ... it did the trick.

during all these years that i have had it, i almost never allowed anyone to touch it, i was more protective of it than anything else i owned, only this friend of mine, maybe an ex. or two, but generally i never allowed anyone to much around with it, ...

until two or three months ago,

i had met someone,

the day i showed it to her, was a very special day for us, the minute i put it in her hand, i knew it fit her, as perfectly as it fit me, and for the first time ever since i had found my dream-stone, i wanted her to have it,...

she wouldn’t take it, i tried and tried till she took it, and i told her that from this day, this stone is hers, i told her what it was, and how dear this piece of earth is to me, ...

for a month that stone was not in my room, the first month ever,

and i was happy to know that she had it, i hoped it worked it’s magic for her, the way it did for me, i was ok with letting her have my dreams, to fit them in her hand, and hopefully find the weight reassuring, and steadying,...

the months passed by,

one night, she called me after a terrible fight, and wanted to pass by to drop something by,

i knew what she was bringing back, i told her to not bring it back, to keep it, to throw it back into a desolate street, i couldn’t take that back, i couldn’t take back a dream that was once mine then freely given, ...

after a long long night, she won the argument,

i was freaked that she had put it in a box, a little black box with a star in a circle in top of it, i freaked that she had locked it up, inside a box, when i have never put in anywhere but “out there for all to see”, her answer to that was that she kept her dear things in a box, while i kept my dear things in the open, ... she couldn’t understand how upset i was about stuffing a dream a thought a feeling into a box, we were too different,

i took my dream-stone and kept it in her magic-black-box, as a symbol of keeping things the way she wanted them, for now, ... or so i told her,

things between us went downhill from that night,

in a couple of weeks, i found my self taking my dream-stone out of her black-box, washing it clean from her perfume, closing the box, and putting it in a partition next to the one with my stone in, ... i couldn't bring my self to throw away her box, nor did i want her perfume all over my stone,

now, after a while, after i had almost forgotten about that box, and had kept my self busy as not to think about her,

i find my self not opening her empty box, i don’t want her scent to come out, and wear away, or that i would get used to smelling it again, but mostly i fear it evaporating the moment i open that box, the same way i have avoided looking inside me at what has happened between us, as if I'm afraid i would wear out that memory, i do not want to touch that memory, for fear that it would become less,

her magic-black-box is still right next to my stone, which now smells again like coffee, tobacco and paint,

i still smell her sent when i walk past the black box,

i ignore it,

and move on,

or so i say.

sketch drawn and added on 04.11.2010
didn't feel like showing you my real dream stone ;)

a return to... art deco/pre muck ? # 1

2010-10-12T22:13:00.001+02:00

return to modernism # 1

2010-10-12T00:18:00.001+02:00

couldn't have said it better...

2010-10-08T12:18:00.001+02:00

"A good military officer, just as a good governor or head of state, requires that habit. He—or she—can't do his job properly without the inner assurance that when he gives an order, or issues a directive, it will be obeyed. The problem comes, Captain Trevor, when that assurance becomes so much a part of him, and such a comfortable fit, that his authority seems inevitable to him. It's not necessarily that he's evil, or that he suffers from power madness or megalomania. It's just that he sees so clearly what 'has to be done,' and since he's grown accustomed to being the primary problem solver, it's axiomatic that it's his job to see to it that it gets done. It simply stops occurring to him to consider that there might be another way to do it, or that perhaps the people around him don't even agree that it needs to be done in the first place. When that happens, the people who argue with him may become part of the problem, as far as he's concerned. They're keeping him from doing his job, so he . . . removes them. "

Old Soldiers - David Weber

again, and again...

2010-10-07T12:41:00.001+02:00

I was happy,

I didn't care much about what the world did to me,

I dreamed what I wanted, and went out there and got it,

it was always out there for me to take,

I didn't care much if you agreed or not,

I didn't care much if I was acceptable or not,

I didn't bother with trying to understand how you felt,

I only cared about what I felt,

I saw my goals and I took them,

without permission,

without regret,

without remorse,

maybe a little frustration,

maybe lots of shouting and banging on stupid walls,

but I got my way,

and yes, I was happy,

and then one day,

a woman came along,

hell! Too many women came along!

I was happy enough to want to share my happiness,

I longed to share that happiness with you,

and that was my fatal mistake,

it's been down hill ever since,

I was wrong to let you in,

I was wrong to expect much from you,

I was wrong to hold on, when you didn't deserve it,

I should have been as self centered as you,

as idiotic, hateful, as grudge pampering as you,

too bad I can't be anything like that,

even if I tried,

and boy was I forced to try,

something inside me always rebelled against being this stupid,

and that better part of me wins,

again,

and again...

i love inkscape, revisited ...

2010-08-13T04:19:00.006+02:00

the art work is a sura (verse) from the Quran, it's called "ayit el Kursy", the aya of the throne.

inkscape is one of the best vector graphic editors out there, i personally find it even a bit better than illustrator, especially when it comes to calligraphic work, or when you want to "sketch".

suprisingly

2010-07-10T18:53:00.002+03:00

i think of pancakes, honey syrup,
cotton candy, ice cream and mars bars,
i see bright colors whirling in a rainbow with a golden urn at the end,
chocolate chip cookies, and warm coco at a quiet night,
i think of beaches, azure waters, barefoot in the clean white sand,
i smell green grass, under a tree, under a full moon,
pillow fights,
talking and talking,
and tickle fights,
cheeky jokes,
and silly pranks,
and lots of hookey playing,
cartoons, muffins, cold milk,
and ...
yes,
you bring out the kid in me.

i'm going home...

2010-07-06T08:22:00.005+03:00

we talk,
we connect,
we walk,
and our paths intersect,
we sat cross legged, under the stars, in a bubble that is ours,
the deeper we looked into our selves, the more of each other did we see,
we smile,
we reflect,
we laugh,
and no one can interject,
we held each other dear and near, against other’s frozen eyes,
we don’t understand it yet, but there is just not a trace of fear,
we look,
we detect,
we laugh together, all over again.

26th of Sep. 2009
26th of Jan. 2010,
20th of Jun. 26th of Jun. 30th of Jun. 2nd of Jul. and every other day since,...

Efficient...

2010-06-26T20:29:00.002+03:00

So,
finally,
i'm alone,
at the end of the line,
at the final changing point,
i seem to have exhausted all the faith, anyone has ever had in me,
every where i turn i see more and more disgruntlement, and rising aggression,
friends and mates peel away, those who once held the line, pretty much now sway,
flutter and rip away, an old battle standard, a nicked sword, and a hammered shield,
the war seems to be over, won or lost, it does not matter, it being over is ... unexpected? unsure are they of what to do next, they scatter about, no one hears the call, the bugler was slain, now as any self respecting troop they ask, after the frenzy and blood lust is gone, they wonder, and judge, condemn and reel in shock, horror and disgust, what now lay before them, they cannot see,
i find new strength,
i see a new path,
none would follow me this time,
and though i may ask it, i do not expect it,
all they need right now is to walk away, to speak of home, to drink and sing, it was not their fight to start, and oddly enough non of them was there at the end, i suppose it is fitting, just and right, when the enemy we all had to fight, was, in fact,
me.

ps. if it's any conciliation to any of you, you have served your purpose, and for that i am grateful.

an open letter from one idiot to other idiots

2010-06-25T10:52:00.013+03:00

be warned,
you will probably not enjoy this.

Not only am i angry,
I'm seething with rage i dare not allow to show, if i do, there would be no one left to receive this note, I'm disappointed, grieved, discontent, and have a ton of salt in my wounds,
thanks to you, each one of you, i realize just how truly human i really am,
hah!
and i thought i was the beast,
you’re all raving snarling maniacs, all stark bloody mad!
through your reflections on me i have seen my true self,
and by GOD! i am far more beautiful and honorable than your wildest wet dream,
your idiocy, hypocrisy, and blind hunger, have shown me everything i don’t have in common with you, maybe I'm just too Nobel for the likes of you, instead of squashing you under my booted foot, i try not to disturb you, i give you the Chance to evolve from single cell beings to semi-human state, i wash you, i nourish you, i care for you, and all i ever get in turn is clingy slimy greed, the only reason i don’t burn you all out of my presence is that termination is not my right, too high a value system for you to even comprehend, all you know is crass and coarse, and I'm cursed with compassion for you, you primordial life form, you infect me, you bite me, you feed on me, and yet i just do not see my right to destroy you, it would be too easy, too easy that there would be no contest, beyond sinful if i did, if i loose at you, you would bloody disintegrate! it wouldn’t be a fair fight.
not that you would ever understand,
nor would i ever become a lesser man,
only to satisfy a primal urge to tear you to pieces,
yes, I'm different, and i will pay the price,
gladly.

ps. i really wish tattoos were not religiously wrong for me, ...
accompanying background music : Pity the Sadness - Paradise lost - shades of god

pressing my (arguable) advantage

2010-06-24T11:05:00.002+03:00

Remember this one?

Questions

2010-06-17T21:29:00.005+03:00

What if I see you, a better you? A you that has not yet become?
What if I know you, whether you know me or not?
What if I'm never wrong, just not always right?

what if you never see me, what of me? What would I become?
What if you never know me? Will I be a lesser me?
What if you're hardly ever right, and plainly just as wrong?

When will we let go, understand, forgive, or finally make a stand?
When will what we say be what is really what we mean?
When will we ever face the lunacy and pain that plague us all?

When will our humanity be our cause instead of our excuse?
When will we see?
When will we be real?

When can i really be me?

obviously

2010-06-08T11:55:00.002+03:00

I remember,
enough not to hate you,
enough never to trust you,
too much yet not enough,
i remember, ...

and the truth shall set you free

2010-01-14T13:08:00.003+02:00

Through glazed eyes i can see,
the daemon that is inside of me,
the blazing evil about to break free,
to hunt them down for all eternity,

as i look in the mirror, to what was once me,
should i stand aside, as i watch me destroy thee?
my soul is mine, how much more will i pay to be free,
keep your enemies closer, to this i agree,

i am only what you make of me,
to you i'm only the reflection that you see,
to the mirror, that i told you is me,
i might be anything i will it to be,

i'll pore out my honor, regretfully,
i'll grab on with both hands to that which hurt me,
i'll let it burn through me, till you all see,
to slay the beast, a beast you must be.

Thursday 14th Jan 2010 1:10 am

in the sun

2009-12-15T14:15:00.003+02:00

I'm but a mirror to what you might see,
i'm only all what you see in me,
nothing more than an exact shadow,
of the outline you deem is me,

my heart, my soul, my love,
my future, my past, and my current day,
all that you at this moment can see,
is a shifting paradigm of light over moving ground, a pedigree,

i cannot help who is me,
i cannot ask you to always agree,
i can only ask you to join me in a meadow,
for only the sun can really show you me.

14.12.2009 5:19 pm

redundant

2009-11-20T02:57:00.003+02:00

Nothing good will come out of this, i fear,
always telling, a sad story, i hear,
what do you search for, what do you seek,
more of your intent?, more proof that the world is bleak?

before it's too late for you.

2009-07-15T17:16:00.002+03:00

We all live in our respective bubbles, we never realize how we all ultimately connect, and how silly and one tracked our feeble minds are, we live and dream inside our isolated well honed boundaries, and woe be unto any who attempts to break through the status quo, …

in one week,

I realized I'm in love with a woman I want to marry more than anything, lost a friend who could have been more than just a friend to a meaningless car accident, almost on the same day I proposed, see my life long buddy fight his fears, man up, and get married to the woman he loves, see my best friend tear her heart apart with her own hands, just because she's too afraid to be loved, listen to my parents rant on and on, about how life sucks, and how hopeless everything is, my arch friend is as usual being a creep about anything that smacks him as emotional, another friend will not take a damned move in her life, because she cant make up her mind what is what, another dear friend took a decision that is decisive and to the point, another kid I like is off somewhere doing well, when he didn't expect it, while another kid is still whirling about in self doubt and recanting a self made mantra that “he can”, …
I care deeply about each and every one of these people, and each is a beautiful, if at times quirky, presence in my life, and I wonder from time to time if they even see the threads that connect them to one another, and how fragile their lives really is, and how beautiful they all are,
and here I am, watching them do stuff, and making up stories to fill in the gaps, while my life takes it's tumbling quirky path, …
you know what, …
it is all connected,
just look up.

R.I.P. Dalia Anna Nabiel, you were a beautiful woman, and a wonderful person, and you deserved better from me.

a perfect conversation,

2009-05-05T18:42:00.006+03:00

She storms into the room,
I pause,
she calmly informs me of nothing,
I nod and thank her for that,
she screams her fears, almost crying,
I ask her why,
her heart explodes with agony,
she blames me for everything,
I ask her again,
she turns around,
slams the door behind here,
and I thank her for that,
I resume.

and a child shall lead them ...

2009-05-05T04:24:00.005+03:00

something about a baby's smile just puts things into perspective for me, the way they look at the world with that unfocused gaze, and suddenly smile, just drives home the point for me,
it's not about the now, the now is too much of a mess to really do anything with it but move on,
and if the now is so transient, then the past entirely looses significance, and much of it's weight,
the past also becomes the womb of which we had just left behind, still a little too close for close examination,
the future is what remains,
ah yes,
the future,
as vague as it might be, only babies seem to see it with those unfocused eyes, and what they see makes them smile, and that is a hopeful sign,
if it makes a baby smile, it just can't be bad,
and if the present is this transient, and the past too close, well ...
it only leaves the future open,
maybe with a little less focus on our worries, insecurities, and fears,
maybe we too can smile.

thank you, Maryam Akram Ghalib Bikzadeh (my long time accomplice's little girl and my God Daughter :D )
even if you might not know it, you have made my day with that smile, i hope that one day, you might teach us things, and thingies ... and thingie thing thingies ...

on the origin of species

2009-05-03T04:08:00.006+03:00

We dream,
we hope,
we fear,
we lie,
we rage, then we act,
we believe,
we connect,
we don't understand,
we project,
we expect, yet get hung on fact,
we talk,
we walk,
we love,
we don't communicate,
we react, and hardly ever interact,
we hurt,
we bleed,
we hate,
we avenge,
we take revenge, with disregard to who is being attacked,
we watch,
we learn,
we sow,
we reap,
we assume, and we never wonder if we are, actually intact.

" I'm enjoying this too much...."

2009-05-01T19:17:00.001+03:00

Uncomfortable at start

2009-05-01T01:06:00.010+03:00

I am a fortress,
black, solid, unbroken basalt,
cloaked in shrouds of gray,
foreboding, menacing,
encroaching, solemn and threatening,
I am a testament,
to those who built me,
caused me, shaped me,
and built me to stay,
to the years that had been my refinement,
not merely my past,
Those who dwell inside me,
by force, by habit, or for mere safety,
must calculate, must wait, and never sway,
must not only hold my walls,
but also believe in them, mend them,
and shore them,
You,
must walk my labyrinthine paths,
must guard my gates,
and at the ready array,
must keep the vigil, watch the fields,
and hold no lie,

only then, might the inner hearth be revealed,
a warm fire will be lit,
you will find a chair that would fit,
and in there you would reside,
ultimately hide,
and in you this mighty fortress would confide.

28th April 2009

you're scaring the kids

2009-04-29T21:26:00.003+03:00

Hate is a natural human emotion, we all experience it at one time or the other, this time, you can express your anger in a less destructive manner, or at least in a least time consuming ways, this time when you are angry, print and send an un-greeted card to the offender,

the whole collection in a press ready PDF file.

more, or less ...

2009-04-29T20:39:00.002+03:00

Never dissapoint a lady

2009-04-29T05:27:00.000+03:00

2009-04-28T00:50:00.002+03:00

Overdue as usual

2009-04-27T16:38:00.003+03:00

should have added this shot to this article ages ago.

quartette

2009-04-23T16:56:00.003+02:00

"Everything in this world comes in fours, truth, untruth, false, unfalse, and the poles don't count, spread a membrane between the four points and there you have your interest"

Mohannad Faried, too many times to count .

Marsa Matruh lavatory

2009-04-22T02:16:00.000+02:00

an affair with mother earth ...

2009-04-22T01:48:00.000+02:00

2009-04-18T00:26:00.000+02:00

2009-04-17T19:09:00.001+02:00

shitographs

2009-04-17T16:01:00.004+02:00

I don't know about you, but after a long period of rejection, denial, then sudden utter addiction, i found that i actually like ..err, enjoy the messy-new-art-deco-ish-swirly-thingies.

14.4.2009

the youngsters are getting all the fun ...

2009-04-17T02:37:00.005+02:00

"if i had a cat i'd call it Google ..." :P

2008-08-11T19:29:00.001+03:00

Remember

2008-08-11T16:59:00.003+03:00

yet never blunt ...

2008-07-23T00:45:00.003+03:00

I am the eye that cannot see
the abomination that cannot be,
the face that no one will see,
the sword that is tarnished , drawn, nicked and battered, yet never blunt ..
they say I roam the darkness, and the fallen ones, I will hunt,
they are right, that is me,
move away, towards the light, I beg of thee,
if you stay in this dreadful place, for company you will only have me,
too long and you will begin to change,
your facial muscles will rearrange,
a unique mask to mimic me,
an iron mask just like me,
then your precious blood will be spilt,
your name forgotten,
your bones be trodden,
by one an only,
me.
now bloody hell ... flee.

written 23 Jul 2008
artwork 11 Aug 2008

Naked Desert

2008-04-09T02:49:00.004+02:00

Siwa, Egypt, the last place of magic.
"no photo-manipulation, minor color correction (gamma) "
from March 28th to April 6th 2008.

Home comeing

2008-04-06T22:22:00.005+02:00

Sun. April 6th 2008

in olden days, the unlearned would call it magic,
in these trodden days, when you hear nothing but static,
we miss the expanse, the dark romance, the un-given chance, and in moon light we dance,
we gaze at the stars, and wander afar, in firelight, senses clear, wild chances appear.
it is all good,
and as i did come of age,
it did happen.

2008-03-11T22:01:00.000+02:00

forsight

2008-01-06T11:25:00.000+02:00

Too close ..
too close ,
too damned hurting bleeding close
too much of the same,
your pain resonates with mine ...
inflames it into a blazing fury, gnawing at my armor from the inside, turning the beast loose.
this I cannot allow .
I fought too long to barely mute mine, I can't make it go away, I merely mute it .. tone it down into something that could periodically be ignored, and grant me moments of precious rest.
I have been in this cycle for far longer than you have been, I know exactly how you feel, I know precisely what you face, I know, I have lived and ached through the pitfalls that await you, every single one of them, every poisonous thorn, cut, slash and ache that you face, I have been through , over and over and over thrithe times your journey was mine, forgive me if I cannot bare no more, I must flee you like the plague that you are to me.
I don't blame or hate you, I fear how your pain would affect me, I would bleed for you I would be there to take your hand and pull you over the pitfalls so out of you vision, I would pull the thorns out from your torn and ripped body, I would pull your torn remains back together and make you whole and well again,
I would do that and more,
only if ...
shh..sh...
do you hear that ? Just nod if you do .. it's faint I know ... but you could try .. yes .. yes you finally hear it .. the horrid moaning the insistent wrenching sound ... it's noting to fear ... it's you! *chuckles* yes it's you my dear .. just in beast form .. you haven't recognized your self have you ? It's hard at the beginning, hard to believe, and harder yet to admit .. listen to me *gets angry* Listen to me! Don't fear it, don't run away .. for whatever you believe in's sake you cant run if you tired! , haven't you heard or understood anything I said ? It's YOU! You can't runaway from yourself! And don't cringe from me .. you are the danger .. not me, not yet at any rate .. Listen .. i'm trying to help you, against everything I know I am actually doing this ... now stop interrupting and listen, first step is to stare right back at it, don't turn away ... it's you, you can't be afraid of your self, just use that logic for now... it's comforting,
now .. force yourself to the second step, recognition ... identify yourself, beware of that , it is you, true .. but it's not the you you want to be nor the you you should be, it's just the you that is .. you must not fall in love with the beast, only identify it.
Now that you know and identify the beast in you, it's time to admit that you are not fully human, you are half beast also ... all of us are , at the beginning,
you cant talk yet ...don't worry, it wont stay that way, you may not feel it now but you had the entire cavern wall fall on you when you took that last turn ... two of your limbs are torn and shredded ... moderate damage , your last partner, probably? I saw some youngster shrieking away in beast from , headed back towards the labyrinth ... sounds familiar ? .. not very important just this minute, how fortunate are you to be found by me .. me of all the wanderers is yet to be seen, I honestly don't know .. now you need to understand that you are hurt, badly hurt, that makes the beast surface, become in control, the only way to restore you again is to calm down ... I need to use your own strength against your wounds, nothing else would work, so work with me ..agreed?

written on Saterday morning, 5.1.2008

in responce to the grave digger's first letter

2008-01-04T17:18:00.000+02:00

So why am I upset ?

Why am I twisting my self into knots, bending over backwards, and managing to keep blaming my self, soul and entire existence for something I cannot logically be held accountable for ?

And why do you even ask me ?

It's not as if you give a rat's ass what happens to me, my psyche or my emotional balance ?

Dear, you see me as a whore, and sometimes you see me as your mother, more often than not you see me unreachable, impenetrable glazed solid rock,

and you treat me as such ...

So why am I upset ?

Oh I'll take any blame you throw at my feet, gobble it up and lick my lips in most whorish way I can make up just for you, I'll even let you look at me in mesmerized disgust for as long as you want, and when you ask me to do it again,

I will, just to entertain you ...

I'll let you see me in the most malignant light your sick imagination can cast on me, as long as you feel better and happier, hey ... it's your kick , your mind, your soul that's going to burn in the deepest shithole in the deepest level of whatever hell there is,

So why am I upset ?

it's because I am a whore, I am your mother and I love you.

The grave digger's mother.
4.1.2008

2007-12-15T16:15:00.001+02:00

note : dates with the rest of the stark and staring eyes.

Gateway

2007-12-15T01:49:00.000+02:00

i just realized that i cant let go of memories , even the most trivial ones, the extremely trivial ones are actually still lodged in my head, it doesn't matter who or what the memory is about , it's still there, i just loose it as i try to bring it out ...
memories in full vibrancy image sound smell and the related emotions, i wish i could rest.
snakes are supposed to coil and have trouble letting go, but this is ridiculous.

2007-12-11T01:41:00.000+02:00

Note : in accourdance with Mies Van Der Rough , Less is more .
i guess less "karakeeb" is better, ... or was that more?

2007-12-07T17:59:00.000+02:00

Note : the way this one has been lying around on my HDD, needing to be colored, makes feel sorry digital media does not age ...

Shard

2007-12-05T14:55:00.000+02:00

note: i cannot recall when did i draw this one, all i'd like to say is that when i found it on my hard drive a couple days back it literally scared the hell out of me .
the human mind is such a mess ...

Important for a minute ...or so.

2007-12-05T14:28:00.000+02:00

Death begets life, and life begets death, why do we fear either, why can't we see it

i can only blame my self, i should only blame my self, only i could be blamed, only i can carry this weight that i have so masterfully crafted to suite and fit and lodge precisely over my own two shoulders, mine and mine alone, how could i ever consider my self anything but a failure, how could i see anything other than the "could have been", or hang it over the "should" have been , sound indigent about it, firmly and resolutely defending a crumbling wall , all what remains of something i cannot recall anymore, only a dim memory of a beauty my conscious mind is aware that it could have never existed, should have never existed, making others believe in visions i cannot see anymore , i cannot hear anymore, i cannot even dream of anymore, do i lie? no, i just describe each moment exactly how i see it, with every nuance and detail in infinite descriptive behavior , pretty boring and should be outlawed if you ask me ....but apparently the only thing I'm good at, not that I'm personally convinced, they call me a visionary , they hail my analytical prophesying , and all i see is the idiocy of the others , and my personal self made fallacies , the only thing i actually accept and understand is that i know nothing ...and it drives me insane to see others claim knowledge, enough ranting, time to get back to work.

extract from an anonymous diary by some grave digger who was important for a minute ...or so.

i love inkscape

2007-11-18T14:58:00.000+02:00

What Remains

2007-10-13T09:56:00.000+02:00

Note : I'm writing something that will probably fit in here later, if i don't consider me a happy Wacom first time user.

2007-08-19T16:40:00.000+03:00

August 19th 2007
I once could make the steel sing, now my fingers would bleed,
i could build castles in the air , plant the expanse with multitudes of green , now only bare sand and rock could be seen, and some rubble in the sheen.
i could stand in the freezing wind naked and warm and sing to the wind, now my heart would yearn for warmth in the sun,
i could hold and contend with a hundred foes , now one friend would be the worst of my fears,
i would storm the walls of the mightiest keep, plant my standard high, now i wonder if i could lay down a trench and die,
once i could see one path so sharp and clear , now i can see a thousand steps ahead sprouting like clusters of weed, none sharp and non clear.
i could touch and taste, feel and express, now i sit, watch and hope that i don't remember,
i could hold and love, believe in my own dreams, now i can only let go,
a heart once warm and full, turned now to shiny stone .. has become an example that i would use,
i still sing
i do bleed
i will watch, touch and feel
i still dream
i do need
i will love, hate and scream
it's just that now it hardly seems that it's me.