Sunday, January 06, 2008


Too close ..
too close ,
too damned hurting bleeding close
too much of the same,
your pain resonates with mine ...
inflames it into a blazing fury, gnawing at my armor from the inside, turning the beast loose.
this I cannot allow .
I fought too long to barely mute mine, I can't make it go away, I merely mute it .. tone it down into something that could periodically be ignored, and grant me moments of precious rest.
I have been in this cycle for far longer than you have been, I know exactly how you feel, I know precisely what you face, I know, I have lived and ached through the pitfalls that await you, every single one of them, every poisonous thorn, cut, slash and ache that you face, I have been through , over and over and over thrithe times your journey was mine, forgive me if I cannot bare no more, I must flee you like the plague that you are to me.
I don't blame or hate you, I fear how your pain would affect me, I would bleed for you I would be there to take your hand and pull you over the pitfalls so out of you vision, I would pull the thorns out from your torn and ripped body, I would pull your torn remains back together and make you whole and well again,
I would do that and more,
only if ...
do you hear that ? Just nod if you do .. it's faint I know ... but you could try .. yes .. yes you finally hear it .. the horrid moaning the insistent wrenching sound ... it's noting to fear ... it's you! *chuckles* yes it's you my dear .. just in beast form .. you haven't recognized your self have you ? It's hard at the beginning, hard to believe, and harder yet to admit .. listen to me *gets angry* Listen to me! Don't fear it, don't run away .. for whatever you believe in's sake you cant run if you tired! , haven't you heard or understood anything I said ? It's YOU! You can't runaway from yourself! And don't cringe from me .. you are the danger .. not me, not yet at any rate .. Listen .. i'm trying to help you, against everything I know I am actually doing this ... now stop interrupting and listen, first step is to stare right back at it, don't turn away ... it's you, you can't be afraid of your self, just use that logic for now... it's comforting,
now .. force yourself to the second step, recognition ... identify yourself, beware of that , it is you, true .. but it's not the you you want to be nor the you you should be, it's just the you that is .. you must not fall in love with the beast, only identify it.
Now that you know and identify the beast in you, it's time to admit that you are not fully human, you are half beast also ... all of us are , at the beginning,
you cant talk yet ...don't worry, it wont stay that way, you may not feel it now but you had the entire cavern wall fall on you when you took that last turn ... two of your limbs are torn and shredded ... moderate damage , your last partner, probably? I saw some youngster shrieking away in beast from , headed back towards the labyrinth ... sounds familiar ? .. not very important just this minute, how fortunate are you to be found by me .. me of all the wanderers is yet to be seen, I honestly don't know .. now you need to understand that you are hurt, badly hurt, that makes the beast surface, become in control, the only way to restore you again is to calm down ... I need to use your own strength against your wounds, nothing else would work, so work with me ..agreed?

written on Saterday morning, 5.1.2008

1 comment:

Hanna said...

The writer talking to another (former?) version of himself? Or just someone who doesn't neccessarely FEEL any less but is less aware of themselves and their position in this beastly world/situation/love/life?
I just like it. A lot.