NOT

9th Mar 2006
reasons you have naught
the evils my cursed hands had wrought
those thoughts you have thought
in judgment I shall stand not

for every tear I have bought
and every shadow I have fought
maybe it is not as it ought
cursed I am, warned you have I not?

Snippits

started somewhere around the 18th Sep. 2005, ended about 25th Feb. 2006

Upon thy tumbled throne
built of sinew flesh and aching bone,
from that privilege point
under your rule we are all joint

::Beginnings::
into my self I retire
course of my blood running drier
activity, instability, truth, I wonder
whereabouts unknown
active intelligence
into resistance
I wade, my banner high ..

::Endings ::
burdened, carry I a heavy heart,
cause of which thou art
one fine day light shall reign,
and till then I endure
for figments of imagination haunt me,
raiments of the martyr seduce me,
uphold thy pain, for all to see
engrave it, learnable by all, but me

Wolves

19-2-2006 3:00 a.m.

Happiness in a corner of our existence
a mere star amidst our morbid remeberence
so bright, so far , so out of reach
even with all that we teach
when only He holds the Keys
all what you need is to pay the rightly fees
pass the darkness, you will
enlighten awarness , at will
and make amends
wolves carry naught to thier dens

background music The2ndQuadrant "Jay Calder"

Upstream

19-2-2006 2:00 a.m.

A time may Come when you might understand
under what banner do i actually stand
ragged and tattered
still flowing as if nothing ever mattered
such are rivers in thier silent flow
hop into that boat and row
upstream, against the tide
stubborn or willing, may you enjoy the ride
for ride you will, till the end of your time
fools may think that i know what is mine
again i say, we all drift, and at his mercy we sway
and in no way, can we shift, nor without his guidence find a way

background music OfWoodsAndWater "Steve Davison"

Again !

15/2/2006

what manic depression
might cause is a confession
full of haste
leading to sure waste
cannot define
nor refine
indigestable, uncomprehencable, it is.
and denialble, for all the good that is.
rage, madness and anger
to those fellows i'm no stranger
you ... i cannot fathom
me, i split the atom
detonate
extrapolate and expeadiate
deviate and negotiate
ended .. it is

Too soon

Amidst placid pleasures
daunted men name "treasures"
pain gnaws at me
rain still wont touch me
neither utmost nor upmost
hither lingers fading outpost
mischief and rowdy behaviour
kerchief of the sullen saviour
turn about
find a fresh mount...

Requiem of the beast

Such irony
the way i felt
at the hand i was dealt
much tyranny
for a long time unfelt
it is here that my joy dwelt
this i discover
amidst all my jagged edges
all my hideous thorns,
and all the the hidden ledges
to the darkness i have ultimately borne
can one day i recover,
this joyous place have been forsaken
life from it traitorously taken
look for another.

11/1/2006 10:00 AM

Forward we march

A night of decision,
of division,
of gayness,
heartbreak and laughter,
like and unlike any other, tis mine.

though cruel and harsh
are the rules under which we march,
hold the standards high,
and to hope i let fly,
in madness, agitation and battle frenzy,
i lust and in hope i envy,
the blades of grass,
crushed, under victorious heals
like slivering glass,
hushed, i wonder how it feels

the march then halts
to seek treasures in vaults
aware and unaware of the lurking light
this march shall end in plight
ascend or descend
nothing is left to defend

aye, tis harsh
the laws by which we march.

9/1/2006 7:00 pm

Thou shalth not

12-15-2005 3:53 PM
where angels dare not tread, a man may pridefully stumble
to challenge fate ,in dread, but yet by it not humble
for was it a gift to men, that in understanding we lack
to a challenge then, but what odds against us stack.

to handle the flowing course of time
and in each word find the rolling rhyme
that by unsure hands, do we guide our loved ones
and in tranquil serenity, to its end our time runs

to good or bad, you shall pridefully claim to know
silly or mad, i shall silently watch the flow
and while you trudge, i would only nudge
how to keep score, the question to you is no wonder

as for me,
i will just watch and never fall under...

Whatever

12-09-2005 9:45 AM
wonder wonder, rolling thunder
hoops through hoops, and rings upon rings, pull me asunder
madness lurking, my hands are jerking,
in all fairness I'm still smirking.
at you i look, as if at a book, fallen leaves of autumn are not of place,
fallen and crumpled,
wicked and jumbled.
I lie they are not.
from ashes, rashes, and sweet serenity, dive in tumults of turmoil again i do, i do.
you see or may not see, i may do but might not, it's again all what we go through
packs and stacks, Harvard hacks, all beckon me to go through
to do
and do it i shall
wonder wonder, this rolling thunder.

Inside

11-27-2005 10:57 AM
for all the wrong reasons i present my cause,
for the one reason , i shall omit
in more ways than one, a one may fit
a room that is well lit
actually there is no reality, life and death have nothing to do with morality,
it is a cause we make, against all that is fake,
and the thing we hold most dear,
passes from year to year,
untouched. unblessed,
unblemished by us.
for it is not so thus
it is not the dark that haunts us, it is we that haunt the night,
we create our own, and own it we shall,
for it is we who suffer in a room when well lit,
and may one day the light shatter, and in blessed darkness our souls stay hid.

ps.: this one was turned into a song, excessively morbid, and still working on it, adding it to my repertoire

Warrior's blessings

11-26-2005 8:11 AM
High may you stand in the remnants of your slain,
may you shed blood and tears for those who have fallen,
may you remain.
may you haunt the lives of those you wound,
and with the wounding hand heal at need.
may all your victories be swift and forgotten,
and all you defeats in bitter pain,
so that you may be cleansed of all misplaced honor.
may the blessed steel, wrap your flesh,
rip out your every fault, and at need, bleed your swelling pride.
may you never be knighted,
hail the mercenary,
may you be one.

central Madness

11-23-2005 11:15 AM
it is, hence was the beginning, let there be light it was said, and hence it was. it was.
in all the forms unity is one, for i am afraid that i am wise and fey, for i see life within the forms,
i know the product for which you unknowingly strive, burn burden, agonise and fuss about.
i saw the fine thread of the weave of the world, and i know how it connects, and what it reflects.
for some to die so that the others may appreciate,
dignity, duty and honor, sporadic clouds feather white, tufts of green blades shine in a dreary dawn, such splendor such nothingness.
in all forms there is life to be seen, all the elements feed, all with the right to live, all with the seed of death buried within, all that was, without amiss.
for we all talk and we all interact, but truly what do we understand, it is only noises that give us pleasure, it is in the vain pursuit of what WE labeled "happiness", do we smash through the walls, that we have endeavored for eons to construct, we labor to be felt, to be heard, wishing that we are understood, but only stand under do we not!
for it is all surreal, in that we marvel at naked emotion.
I'm not a traditionalist my dear, i just know my way.
for all it's insignificance, it is in a way more than the immaculate wordplay
a way for sharing for daring, fortune to the path, the pathway to build to consume, and without it all will come crashing down, in all it's glory it's magnificence and sins, a bright star in agony,
in the making of it all, the rage the choice.
the heard and headed voice, for all 'isms, for I am.
thou shalth not kill, thou shalth slay, devour.

wool gathering

11-23-2005 10:52 AM
A vortex of angled stresses is a delicate thing
for hurt must sustain equally on either end of the string
an outlook towards life
filled with conflict and strife
to lose is to gain, it has such a marvellous ring
the thing is, without this, collision may begin
to live on the edge of the knife
tension, life with it is rife
and yet again, in all hope
all what you may need is a rope
to bind and mend
to leave it all, and then to send
to send it away from your grasp
hope that the other end is well worthy and apt.
and in culmination, all variation
will cause a rend,
cause it to bend,
twist and lose it's shape,
and cease to be a creation