I bought way too much cement to fix stuff up in my apartment, so now i need to figure out what to Do with all that cement XD
stay tuned for more stuff, ...

long overdue

sometime in September 2006
Hurt ..
hurt ..
raw throbbing pain,
panic,
the last fragments of the old discipline,
were needed, to not allow that final link to break,
he cannot allow that ,
already too much has been lost, too much anger too much pain,
a sagging shoulder blade is pathetically quivering to rise,
pitiful .. how could it take all what was ever his energy stores just to gather his stray thoughts, only to indicate a status he already knows so well,
he was broken, torn and ripped in so many places that his acute senses could not keep track of where the pain stimuli was emerging from, all was a bloody haze, all signals to his brain were messed up, confused in a manner that was so much unlike the self he knew as his own, it was his worst nightmare, his worst expectation, the unthinkable all rolled into one, and it had happened..
but he was alive, as illogical as that state should have been,
he was still alive ...
faintly aware of that,
dangerously close to loosing what grip he had on what was left of himself,
but against all odds his life has not ended .

note: related to "imprint and a short story"

Young One

Young one!
do you believe in shadows and dreams ?
do you believe in things of light ,
of which naught are more then what it seems ?
have you learned to cast your shadow?
and with it line the path that deems?
this I ask.

Bold One!
do you dance to the twighlight ?
do you morn the sun?
do you look at them in wonder ?
trepdition and solemn despair?
I thought you seeked wisdom ?
I thought you discerned the night?

Fallen one ?
more truth to what ever is there?
what know you of fickle nightmares, and insistent dreams?
nothing in essence or nothing of value?
why is it that it is essence that you highlight ?
doth not your soul in midnight, soar?
doth not your anger eternally, roar?

oh Young One.

sketch uploded on the 1st of feb 2007, sketch by Mohannad Faried (M.O.F.)

We The Fireborn

we light the world,
and say the word,
we lead the horde,
and at the end of it all,
fade off to to another world.
You have forced us ,
torched us,
gathered around us,
hailed us as kings and queens,
and in answer you took the gift of our dreams,
that of which we repent, resent,
we the fire born
we blow the horn,
what we left behind us,is sadly torn,
for that we eternally morn.
A fearsome existence,
the one true master, truly so fragile,
changing color of burning substance,
always misunderstood in abundance,
carried off with caution,
caged and with precaution,
you fear us, but yet you use us,
abuse us.
Eternally at war, the curse of my kindred,
you call us warriors, harbingers of light and shadow,
you bring us offerings, many things,
that we consume, with nothing left to resume,
no turning back, we give no quarter,
there is none left to get back to,
you want the warmth but not the burnt,
how could light not cause shadow?
cast by you.
You marvel at our Armor, battle horns, slanted bows, and regal paws,
our fortresses and keeps, our strategies, movement and forget that we weep,
for each of our numerous keeps, is a past battle ground,
where loved ones were wounded, fell off, or drowned,
we remember, and reflect, through our colorful flames, detect,
Trial by fire, aye!
falseness not withstanding,
those untrue never understanding,
how could we always burn anew,
for my dear, my Fuel is but you.


dedicated to Every Aries, Loe, and Sagittarius
we the fireborn!

a tribute to her... tewlve different faces

AREIS
her blazing eyes of green fire, her odd scar, all her energy spent running away from me, when i would tire and sit down, she would come laughing at me, only to topple her into my arms, she would smile at me, and taunt me in French, so that i would not understand, and we would both grin mischievously, sure that we both understood, under moon light in a blue pool.
TAURUS
her golden hair, her grass green eyes, always laughing ,believing , asking me to always keep my chin up, never be daunted by anything, she always smelled of home, earth warm , kissed by the sun, hugs and kisses were the order of every day, deep roots tracing lines into the past as we would snuggle and gaze at the sky, and i would wonder how could she bare it all.
GIMINI
her emerald jeweled eyes, her dark black eyebrows, and long curly hair that always caught the wind, chatting, sharing, dreaming, "i wish you would kiss me now" she would say, and i would laugh and tease, the company was treasured, the laughs and the joy of pleasure, she would paint the sky with fuzzy dreams, always in a circle around her self as I leaned on the rim of the ring and laughed with her.
CANCER
Her darkend complection, her odd accent, her soft dreamy obsidian eyes, her long dark hair, we would walk around talking and talking for hours a time, and always feel that gap between us, we both accepted that we would not accept, guarded laughs and unbridgable divides, yet we both didn't want to admit, that we had to say "good luck", why did she cry.
LEO
her marble skin tinged with rose, her long jet black hair taking whatever form she bids it,
"be what you want to be" i would say, only to be what she could only be, her firm breasts she would use to tease, her urges would always take her far, and come back to me asking for guidance, showing off her latest hunt, as i showed her mine, none given and none taken.
VIRGO
Her ebony skin, her short brown hair, her earthen fragrance
her shining maroon eyes smiling, while she rested her head on my bare chest,
listening to my heartbeat with one soft ear, smiling with her eyes, turning her head around to listen with the other ear, till this day i wonder what she was looking for.
LIBRA
her sweet dimpled smile, her endearing consent, her shocked expression as reality shone, she would pretend to listen and listen waiting for me to finish, she would always smile to me, and then try to ever so sweetly guide me, would take all my lashing without a complaint, i would question not her logic, only her goals, it was always on separate paths.
SCORPIO
her light lush skin, her curly black hair, her musky sensual smell, and all her secrets
her sounds of pleasure as she gave her self to me, her legs entwined behind my back,
toes stroking my legs, as her small body arches into me, nails clawing into my bare back,
as we we both share the violent pleasures, deep dark velvet. as she whispered "don't ever leave me"
SAGITARIUS
her questing hazel eyes touched with gold, her light auburn hair,
her sure movement, and engaging smile, laughter and freshness, she liked to lead
as i always felt i was missing out on something, "sorry, i wasn't paying attention, could you do that again?" and she would laugh and kiss me again.
CAPRICORN
Her long hair of changing color, her golden eyes, sure attitude, strength of logic, and unresolved predicament, confident to find the sure way out, holding hands, countless nights through a thin wire, hoping for her delayed dreams to fruit in good time, she wanted reassurance, i could give her none, only as far as she could go.
AQUARIUS
her crazy laughs, and smiling unseeing blue eyes, her windmill of bubbling laughter thoughts dreams and haze, she would never make sense to me, and she would always feel guilty, laugh and whirl about again, singing a broken tune as she blew by, i could only shake my head and laugh at my self, "who could figure you out", she would laugh and say "someone who could"
PICESE
her wide soft eyes, her black messy soft hair, her sent of watery bloom, her swirling spirit never could rest, as she would face me sitting on my lap, and i would sing to her on the floor, she would rest in my arms and i would know i would always want to keep her there,
we would laugh together, and she would not believe the magic, and i would know that this joy would never endure, too much left unsaid, as she would take and lose all my gifts.

Note : the photo used in the design above is the work of Mariam Mohsen, a Young talent in the growing.

Imprints and a short story

Why strange?
why not silly
why not Mad
or just a memory of what i once had
to know the truth of it all
and still march down that hall
with a bouquet in hand
while feet wet as i stand
isn't it all the same,
in no way just a silly game
Aphrodite, Athena , all the same
all what ever changes is the name


the imprint, her hand in the sand
to be swept away by the noon tide
is all what mere mortals may demand
of someone whom otherwise would hide

it was what it was, true though
say it but don't believe it

She interrupts him : "but i like to think its good to be this way"
He looked upon her misery, only to repeat himself "say it but don't believe it, Has He Ever Let you Down?"
"never did and never will", flushed she retorts
his eyes softens, shrugs and quietly whispers "Has He ever wanted you to be anything other than that? " and holds her gaze for a heartbeat
and as though he's lecturing "never fear the nature of things, always fear the unnatural" , looks away into the dark, seems to lose interest.
looking ant his scarred cheekbone, she wonders aloud "yes.. i was not like that, i changed and now I'm unnatural, but.. things happen for a reason ,and I'm still figuring it out"
not changing his preferd pose, he smiles softly to the darkness, a tiny tremor noticeable in his scar reveals his determination
"NO, if this is not what you were then this is what you should have been, what ever your story maybe, it is insignificant to the fact that now you are what you are, and that is only what really counts"
closes his eyes, and says in conviction "This i know."
his voice carries through the barren cavern
silence returns to fill the holes of missing conversation
she looks the other way shakes her head and in a tiny voice she asks him, "why do u feel that im kind? what gave it away?"
He Turns his head slowly to her, smiles crookedly while scratching his scar,"i can recognize my opposites"
She says:
"i think i can understand that... but how do you know its not fake"
pauses for a breath "or just a mood swing"
in frustration He says: "i should tell you that you don't know me"
he pauses sighs, hold his head in his clawed hands "i have had many a chance before to see an learn", pause "the hard way" "actually I had too many a chance" but thats a long story that you wont hear any time soon but lets just leave it at that, I Know
Half distracted by her awkward tail, she simply replies "ok"

plainly not comforted by the direction the conversation was going he confesses " a long time ago i used to know someone who used to really get pissed whenever she was ever called kind"
looks at the walls around him, as if the dark basalt would yield to his solemn gaze "she went so far to prove that she wasn't only to lose her self completely in the process"
with the attributed tenderness common to her race, she replies in a understanding tone "i know what u mean"
He shrugs her comment, whispers as if to himself
"during that time i had the chance to see how someone could dismantle himself, rip every piece apart and rebuild herself into Frankenstein ,fractured, mottled and ugly , while hailed by all the dimwits as the epitome of femininity, while from inside she was just a broken festering jumble of flesh that lost shape, and all sense of cohesion"
She says:
so u don't like evil females?
Laughing with a note of hysteria in his voice he chokes on the word "evil?"
in a raised voice with a hint of something far more ancient then understanding, a clear note of menace he retorts "who is not" a heart beat passes while she absorbs his sudden spike of emotion "we all are Evil" he rasps "especially the Fairer sex"
on his contorted face his smirk looks like a death mask, he manages to reign in his emotion, shakes his horned head as if to shake off the thoughts, he quiets down and calmly says "who am i to judge"
She looks at him in silence not knowing what to say to this emotional monster, she ponders the walls around them, searching for anything to distract her from the intensity of his gaze.
melancholy seems to get the better of him, raising himself to his full hight, "i have barely gotten out of the tunnel, still i carry my scares proudly" mistchif twinkles in his intense green eyes "for all the good that is... it's about time we moved, unless you would prefer the company of our jailers ?"